How to make "noculars"

Cabin fever has hit the Vore household. Emma used to have some play binoculars that she adored. We went thru three pair in a matter of weeks. They are long gone and she has been asking about them out of the blue this week. So today we got creative.

I was cleaning this morning and used up the last of a roll of paper towels when this idea struck.

Here are the directions. Be sure to follow them to a tee.

Step 1. Use up an entire roll of paper towels. Even if that means putting one end in the toilet and repeatedly flushing until they are gone.

Step 2. Cut the empty paper towel roll in half. Do NOT let your dog see you do this. She will immediately try to fight you for the empty roll.

Step 3. Find a used twist tie. This one came directly from the loaf of bread that I was too lazy to put the tie back on.

Step 4. In the most dangerous fashion as possible poke two holes in the middle of each half of the roll using scissors that are so dull they could be confused with dull dowel rods.

Step 5. Attach the twist tie thru both rolls, all the while keeping the dog away from the roll and answering your two year old's questions about what you are doing and where are the "noculars" I promised.

Step 6. Use Scotch tape (it's the best smelling type out there) to tape around the ends so the roll doesn't continue to "fray".

Step 7. Since the scissors used in step 4 weren't successful in stabbing you in the finger pull out the box cutter and make two more holes, one in each roll, at the top in order to attach the "strap".

Step 8. Cut a length of dental floss long enough to attach to both "noculars" and easily fit over your child's head. Approximately the same length as any item that would have the label "not to be used as a toy". I, sadly, didn't have dental floss so I had to make due with this ribbon I found.

Step 9. Please pay attention as this step is crucial to getting these just right. When attaching the dental floss (or ribbon) to the noculars, Use the stick of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop (I used an orange one) to push the dental floss (or ribbon) thru the hole in the noculars. I suppose another color could be substituted but I highly doubt another type of sucker would suffice.

Step 10. Proudly present these noculars to your child who, by this time, has completely forgotten about them and will most likely play with them for 1.2 seconds.