Today Jon took his last final at Southwest.
Today he PASSED his last final at Southwest.
Today we got to go on a real date together.
Today Emma is at Nana's and is spending the night there tonight.
Today baby boy is kicking like he just got signed for pro-soccer (and I love it!).
Today my heart is full and my prayers are full of thankfulness.
Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Operation nail clipping
You know the saga of us getting Jarrah's nails clipped. Well, last time I was at the vet after 2 1/2 hours I came home with one of Jarrah's nails clipped and bottle of sedatives. (For her, not me.) The vet said to give her one pill and wait three hours then she should be "so out of it she won't care what you do to her".
Jon was pessimistic that the pills would work. Me, the eternal optimistic (most of the time), thought and wanted to believe that it would work just fine. Gone would be the days of having her knocked clear out and undergoing painful surgery just to get her nails clipped.
Today was the day!
I needed new, sharp, strong dog nail clippers.
Check.
I needed to have 10 hours at home to monitor Jarrah after giving her the pills.
Check.
I needed to wait 3 hours after giving her the pill to attempt the nail clipping.
Check.
12:30pm After eating our Father's Day lunch of McDonalds I gave Jarrah a bowl of food with the pill in it. She gobbled it all down, pill and all.
1:30pm Jarrah is very drowsy.
3:00pm Jarrah is drowsy but still coherent. Jon comes out of the bedroom from studying and says that he isn't very hopeful for this operation.
3:30pm Three hours have passed.
Jarrah is awake but very bloodshot eyes. I rub her face and she closes her eyes. She doesn't move when I pull out the nail clippers. This appears to be a success in the making. Jarrah lets me touch her feet without flinching. This is looking very positive! I ask Jon to hold Jarrah and pet her to distract her. Against his better judgement (I can tell from the grin on his face) he agrees. I put the clippers to Jarrah's nail. I start to clip it- folks this was going to happen!- She pulled away. I knew I was not strong enough to clip thru her nail and she was not going to hold still.
Foiled! My plan was a failure... today.
Next step. Give Jarrah a pill and take her to the vet after three hours for THEM to hold her and clip them. Even Jon thinks that approach might work.
For now, my poor dog is drugged and drowsy and looking at me like she's not quite sure what happened but she is dog-tired.
Jon was pessimistic that the pills would work. Me, the eternal optimistic (most of the time), thought and wanted to believe that it would work just fine. Gone would be the days of having her knocked clear out and undergoing painful surgery just to get her nails clipped.
Today was the day!
I needed new, sharp, strong dog nail clippers.
Check.
I needed to have 10 hours at home to monitor Jarrah after giving her the pills.
Check.
I needed to wait 3 hours after giving her the pill to attempt the nail clipping.
Check.
12:30pm After eating our Father's Day lunch of McDonalds I gave Jarrah a bowl of food with the pill in it. She gobbled it all down, pill and all.
1:30pm Jarrah is very drowsy.
3:00pm Jarrah is drowsy but still coherent. Jon comes out of the bedroom from studying and says that he isn't very hopeful for this operation.
3:30pm Three hours have passed.
Jarrah is awake but very bloodshot eyes. I rub her face and she closes her eyes. She doesn't move when I pull out the nail clippers. This appears to be a success in the making. Jarrah lets me touch her feet without flinching. This is looking very positive! I ask Jon to hold Jarrah and pet her to distract her. Against his better judgement (I can tell from the grin on his face) he agrees. I put the clippers to Jarrah's nail. I start to clip it- folks this was going to happen!- She pulled away. I knew I was not strong enough to clip thru her nail and she was not going to hold still.
Foiled! My plan was a failure... today.
Next step. Give Jarrah a pill and take her to the vet after three hours for THEM to hold her and clip them. Even Jon thinks that approach might work.
For now, my poor dog is drugged and drowsy and looking at me like she's not quite sure what happened but she is dog-tired.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Kicks and giggles
I think God read my last post. I'm sure of it actually.
Of course He knew my thoughts before I did, but no sooner did I write my last post about change and the anxiety it produces in me than we went to church Sunday and I was challenged in a hard and good way.
The pastor has been speaking about waiting. When he started speaking Sunday I wondered how it might apply to me. I have to be real and say I was tempted to think that I could check out mentally for the service but thought better of it. He went on to say that while we wait (for God, for change, for anything) one thing we should NOT do is worry.
OK. Pastor, you are now stepping on my toes!
I tuned in and felt that God brought into clear view that I am in a waiting period in my life. I hadn't really considered my position in life right now to be a waiting period but God made me see that it is.
Waiting to have our baby.
Waiting for Jon to be done with school and studying.
Waiting for Jon to start a job.
Waiting for us to be able to start adjusting to Jon's job. (He'll be working third shift.)
Waiting to see that our baby is healthy.
Waiting to begin getting my body back in shape after having the baby.
Waiting on my landlord to tell me if we can put a swingset in the back yard for Emma.
The list goes on.
I am waiting. And while I wait I must not worry. Pastor said "worry is a waste of waiting". He used the illustration of David. David was told by God that he would be king! That is an exciting promise that if it were me, I'd want to come true right away. However, David was a shepard for years and years and many other things (difficult and life threatening even) came and went before that promise came true. So David had to get good at waiting. He wrote a big portion of the Psalms during that waiting period. They are filled with thanksgiving, trust and praise. Which is actually what we ARE supposed to do while waiting.
Thank God.
Trust God.
Praise God.
So I felt God challenge me to exchange my worry for thanksgiving. When I feel fear or anxiety about Greyson's health I mentally stop that thought and say "Thank you God for this baby". When I feel nervous about our future as a family with all the transitions coming our way I stop my brain from fretting and say "thank you God for providing Jon with a job".
It is working great! I have no revelations of how it will all work out and what it will all look like in, say, September. However, I have been filled with joy and peace and worry has had less of a hold on me.
It isn't totally gone. I don't want to sound like I found a magic pill, but when I choose to be thankful there just isn't a lot of room left in my brain for worry. I have another routine ultrasound next Wednesday. When I let myself think about it too much I worry. I even forget that I'm not supposed to be worrying until I'm knee deep. So I have to keep practicing but God is so faithful to show me how to follow His commands not to worry.
I have had more time to laugh with Emma. She is fun and silly and almost three. She is starting to understand how to joke with me and that's fun. We have rolled around tickling on the floor and she laughs so hard she gets the hiccups. It makes me laugh too. Her giggles are so contagious. I have more time for that when I'm not consumed by worry.
I have had more time to watch my belly roll and move as the baby is kicking and moving. It makes me smile and I feel so much love for this baby I haven't yet met. It's something I was missing out on when obsessed with worry.
Kicks and giggles - good.
Worry - bad.
I'm so thankful for God's living Word.
Psalm 62:5-8
Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God[c];
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Of course He knew my thoughts before I did, but no sooner did I write my last post about change and the anxiety it produces in me than we went to church Sunday and I was challenged in a hard and good way.
The pastor has been speaking about waiting. When he started speaking Sunday I wondered how it might apply to me. I have to be real and say I was tempted to think that I could check out mentally for the service but thought better of it. He went on to say that while we wait (for God, for change, for anything) one thing we should NOT do is worry.
OK. Pastor, you are now stepping on my toes!
I tuned in and felt that God brought into clear view that I am in a waiting period in my life. I hadn't really considered my position in life right now to be a waiting period but God made me see that it is.
Waiting to have our baby.
Waiting for Jon to be done with school and studying.
Waiting for Jon to start a job.
Waiting for us to be able to start adjusting to Jon's job. (He'll be working third shift.)
Waiting to see that our baby is healthy.
Waiting to begin getting my body back in shape after having the baby.
Waiting on my landlord to tell me if we can put a swingset in the back yard for Emma.
The list goes on.
I am waiting. And while I wait I must not worry. Pastor said "worry is a waste of waiting". He used the illustration of David. David was told by God that he would be king! That is an exciting promise that if it were me, I'd want to come true right away. However, David was a shepard for years and years and many other things (difficult and life threatening even) came and went before that promise came true. So David had to get good at waiting. He wrote a big portion of the Psalms during that waiting period. They are filled with thanksgiving, trust and praise. Which is actually what we ARE supposed to do while waiting.
Thank God.
Trust God.
Praise God.
So I felt God challenge me to exchange my worry for thanksgiving. When I feel fear or anxiety about Greyson's health I mentally stop that thought and say "Thank you God for this baby". When I feel nervous about our future as a family with all the transitions coming our way I stop my brain from fretting and say "thank you God for providing Jon with a job".
It is working great! I have no revelations of how it will all work out and what it will all look like in, say, September. However, I have been filled with joy and peace and worry has had less of a hold on me.
It isn't totally gone. I don't want to sound like I found a magic pill, but when I choose to be thankful there just isn't a lot of room left in my brain for worry. I have another routine ultrasound next Wednesday. When I let myself think about it too much I worry. I even forget that I'm not supposed to be worrying until I'm knee deep. So I have to keep practicing but God is so faithful to show me how to follow His commands not to worry.
I have had more time to laugh with Emma. She is fun and silly and almost three. She is starting to understand how to joke with me and that's fun. We have rolled around tickling on the floor and she laughs so hard she gets the hiccups. It makes me laugh too. Her giggles are so contagious. I have more time for that when I'm not consumed by worry.
I have had more time to watch my belly roll and move as the baby is kicking and moving. It makes me smile and I feel so much love for this baby I haven't yet met. It's something I was missing out on when obsessed with worry.
Kicks and giggles - good.
Worry - bad.
I'm so thankful for God's living Word.
Psalm 62:5-8
Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God[c];
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Change is in the air
Some things never change. Emma loves water in most any shape or form. She loves jumping in puddles, she loves playing in buckets of water and she loves her wading pool.
Emma also loves chocolate! That never changes either. She enjoyed her chocolate ice cream cone- evidence is still left on her face.
Some things are changing: like my profile. My belly shows baby Greyson is growing and is 25 weeks along now! I'm moving into the third trimester and feel great. I am not quite as thrilled with my Akron experience at this point. I found out at my last appointment that since it is a group of doctors I see who I see at my appointments. I didn't get to see my favorite doctor last visit and will try to make an appointement with her specifically soon so I can find out if she will truly be doing my c-section. She said she would at my first appointment but now I feel I need a few more details. That being said, I know that they are a great, knowledgeable bunch of docs and I know I'll get good care there.
Life for Jon is changing too. He is in the last few weeks (yes I said weeks!) of his schooling program and is facing finals, finals and a registry test. He has a good job prospect and we are headed toward life as a normal family. Well, normal is kind of a strong word but we are headed out of school-mode and on with seeing Jon more everyday, having a new baby, and lots more chocolate ice cream cones with Emma.
Change does scare me though. Even if I'm not a huge fan of continuing what I'm currently doing, at least it's known. I know what it's like to have Jon being a student. I don't know what him working third shift will look like.
I don't want to be pregnant forever. But it is going great and I'm not one of those horribly miserable pregnant women. I am happy and healthy but I don't know what baby Greyson will be like. I'm not scared of the potential chronic spit up (Jon says we are due for a "spitter-upper") but will breath a sigh of relief and will probaby cry when the doctors deliver him and say that he is 100% healthy. You know those thoughts that fill your mind in the middle of the night: what if he's not healthy?
I love that Emma is a toddler still. She is full of questions and independent one day and wants help with everything the next day. Some days that's tiring as a mom but I want her to continue to grow and develop. However, that's more change. What will she be like as she grows up? Will she submit to the Lord early and be obedient and confident?
Ugh! Change. It scares me sometimes. However, I truly don't want things to stay like this forever. Change is the only way to move forward. It's like Emma's book about the bear hunt: "can't go over it, can't go under it, gotta go through it"!
SO: Trust.
God has been pushing me to let go of more and trust Him more for months now. It's one of my biggest spiritual issues at this point. I need more trust in my life. I need more of God in my life. He has shown me that to get more of Him I have to trust more of Him.
I have to trust that God will help Jon and I make the right decision for his job and will work as a team to adjust and have lots of meaningful family times together.
I have to trust that God will remain in control of baby Greyson. He began knitting him together in my womb. He will continue to do so and whatever that looks like, healty or not, it is in God's control. He promises never to leave us. He is also very merciful and generous in His love for us. He often delights in giving us what we hope and pray for. That could be a 100% healthy baby boy to hold and bring up.
I have to trust that God holds Emma's future in His Hands as well. Jon and I can do our best to teach her about God (enter my spiritual growth- she will see that). Then we have to allow her to make more and more of her own decisions as she gets older. We can guide her but ultimately she has to choose God on her own. We pray with her and for her nightly. I feel the power of prayer is unsinkable. She has such a sweet spirit about her and it's so fulfilling to see her "get it" when she makes spiritual connections. We have such joy and hope for her and how God will use her.
And then there's me...
God hasn't ever given up on me. He knows that I'm still a work in progress and He's not surprised. He knows more than I do about myself. He knows that change makes me afraid at times. He knows that it can be a great way to pull me closer to Him and, dare I say it, trust Him more. I feel that I'm at a place where it's time to move. (Yes our apartment will be crowded once baby is here but that's not really what I mean.) I mean that I go through times where I am ok to simply "be" spiritually and then there are times where I need to decide to dig in and choose to do the harder things daily. I have to choose to put worry out of my mind and just hope and be excited for Greyson's arrival. I need to choose to trust God to help our family as Jon adjusts to working life. I need to choose to trust that God loves me.
That is what it boils down to: God Loves me. He isn't just tolerating me, or passive agressive with me. He loves me. He loves me with great abandon.
THAT - will never change.
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