Kicks and giggles

I think God read my last post. I'm sure of it actually.

Of course He knew my thoughts before I did, but no sooner did I write my last post about change and the anxiety it produces in me than we went to church Sunday and I was challenged in a hard and good way.

The pastor has been speaking about waiting. When he started speaking Sunday I wondered how it might apply to me. I have to be real and say I was tempted to think that I could check out mentally for the service but thought better of it. He went on to say that while we wait (for God, for change, for anything) one thing we should NOT do is worry.

OK. Pastor, you are now stepping on my toes!

I tuned in and felt that God brought into clear view that I am in a waiting period in my life. I hadn't really considered my position in life right now to be a waiting period but God made me see that it is.

Waiting to have our baby.

Waiting for Jon to be done with school and studying.

Waiting for Jon to start a job.

Waiting for us to be able to start adjusting to Jon's job. (He'll be working third shift.)

Waiting to see that our baby is healthy.

Waiting to begin getting my body back in shape after having the baby.

Waiting on my landlord to tell me if we can put a swingset in the back yard for Emma.

The list goes on.

I am waiting. And while I wait I must not worry. Pastor said "worry is a waste of waiting". He used the illustration of David. David was told by God that he would be king! That is an exciting promise that if it were me, I'd want to come true right away. However, David was a shepard for years and years and many other things (difficult and life threatening even) came and went before that promise came true. So David had to get good at waiting. He wrote a big portion of the Psalms during that waiting period. They are filled with thanksgiving, trust and praise. Which is actually what we ARE supposed to do while waiting.

Thank God.

Trust God.

Praise God.

So I felt God challenge me to exchange my worry for thanksgiving. When I feel fear or anxiety about Greyson's health I mentally stop that thought and say "Thank you God for this baby". When I feel nervous about our future as a family with all the transitions coming our way I stop my brain from fretting and say "thank you God for providing Jon with a job".

It is working great! I have no revelations of how it will all work out and what it will all look like in, say, September. However, I have been filled with joy and peace and worry has had less of a hold on me.

It isn't totally gone. I don't want to sound like I found a magic pill, but when I choose to be thankful there just isn't a lot of room left in my brain for worry. I have another routine ultrasound next Wednesday. When I let myself think about it too much I worry. I even forget that I'm not supposed to be worrying until I'm knee deep. So I have to keep practicing but God is so faithful to show me how to follow His commands not to worry.

I have had more time to laugh with Emma. She is fun and silly and almost three. She is starting to understand how to joke with me and that's fun. We have rolled around tickling on the floor and she laughs so hard she gets the hiccups. It makes me laugh too. Her giggles are so contagious. I have more time for that when I'm not consumed by worry.

I have had more time to watch my belly roll and move as the baby is kicking and moving. It makes me smile and I feel so much love for this baby I haven't yet met. It's something I was missing out on when obsessed with worry.

Kicks and giggles - good.
Worry - bad.

I'm so thankful for God's living Word.

Psalm 62:5-8
Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God[c];
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.