Let the count down speed up!

So in one week we'll be holding our baby boy!

My doctor appointment today, you know the one I was so sure I didn't need to pack my hospital bag for? Yeah, that one- the ultrasound showed that Greyson has a "growth restriction" that requires moving up my C-section to next Thursday. August 25th is Greyson's new birthday. I'll be 37 weeks that day. That is technically full-term. The doctors aren't worried that he'll struggle. They expect him to be fine and as long as he eats well, breathes well and can hold his own body temperature he'll be able go home when I do. That's what we are praying for: a strong healthy baby. He'll be little. We'll be impressed if he hits five pounds by next week. That means I don't need to bother taking the 0-3 mon outfits. I think the newborn ones will be quite big. My sister and mom were getting excited about the "need" to go buy some preemie stuff.

I'm a little thrown. I expected my c-section in 3 weeks. I thought I had more time to prepare. The doctor told me that I'm now on light bed rest. She told me that I'm done working. I told her that I sit at my desk and she smiled and looked at me and said "you are done working". So I can go in tomorrow to fill out paperwork and pass my work load on and then come home and call it done! At least I'm only facing one week of bed rest. Others I know have had to do it for a long time. I'm already annoyed and it's been 3 hours this evening of doing less. And now that I know the baby is coming in one week I feel MORE urgent to get things done and am not allowed. So I will choose to let go of the unfinished lists. I will sit and play with Emma more and will not lift anything.

Oh, but I'm packing my hospital bag tomorrow.

I have an appointment Friday and another on Monday. They will measure my amniotic fluid and will do non stress tests (which monitor baby's movements and heart rate) and if anything changes from what they saw today the doctor said she'll send me right across to the hospital and we'll do the c-section right then. She thought Jon would have enough time to get up there from Mansfield if that happens. However, our prayer is that everything will stay good so we can wait until Thursday. But she said to bring my hospital bag with me on Friday and Monday just in case.

I see God's plan in this. I have to because He was not surprised today. (Or shocked, which was how I felt.) He knew this was coming. I know that He knows more than the doctors and He knows Greyson intimately. So I am trying to choose to relax.

Thank you Lord for your infininte wisdom and knowledge.

Let the count down begin

In less than one month we will be holding Greyson in our arms! Yay!

We know that means no sleep- although right now I am not sleeping the best anyway. I don't remember not sleeping well when this far along with Emma. Although I do remember poor Jon telling me back then that I started to snore. That kicked in earlier this time I guess. Jon sleeps with ear plugs in and wraps his pillow around his ears! Sorry Honey! He says it's ok though and even says it's "cute". That proves he's a winner of a husband to think that snoring and keeping him awake is "cute".

I am seeing my Akron doctor each week now and next Wednesday they do another "growth check" via ultrasound. I can tell them he's growing. My belly is bigger and it's harder to eat, sleep, breath, etc. So I'm not too concerned about the ultrasound. I know they are looking for signs of "stress" to him. But they have indicated that this is a routine type thing so I'm not planning to take my hosptial bag with me for that appointment. I haven't even packed a hosptial bag yet.

I have made it through many of the items on my "to do" list. The last ones are mainly things I need to do the days or week prior to baby-day.

One very important thing that I am doing now and hope and pray to do everyday until delivery is to stop letting myself even consider the possibility that Greyson will be disabled or sick. Once I let myself consider the possibility, I find that I immediately assume it to be truth. Only the Lord knows anyway but, truth be told, I feel the Lord wants me to assume the baby is healthy. I have no more control over this situation by allowing or forcing myself to consider/plan for him to be sick. It's a very false sense of control anyway, however I want to prove faithful and the only way I feel I can do that is to not even allow the thoughts of Greyson being less than healthy.

So no more permission for me to consider all the options or possibilities. I have to only consider and look forward to myself seeing and holding a healthy baby boy.

A son.

A baby that is a gift from God and one that I'm thankful for.

Thank you Lord for this life inside me.

Psalm 9:10
Those who know your name trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

The perfect "do"

 

I just love Emma's hair in this picture.

Can you tell I was between her and the TV while she was watching Clifford?

Praying for change

I don't want to stay stagnant.

I want to be more like Christ.

I even know what God wants me to change in order to make those things happen.

God wants me to trust Him more, be more patient and less selfish. I want those things very much. However, I am afraid to ask God to do what He wants in order to make me change. I'm afraid that He will bring trials into my life that I am not ready to accept or deal with. I am afraid He will take things and people from me in order to teach me those lessons. I fear He will deal with me harshly and that He will think (or know) that is the only way to make me change.

To be real... I fear God will give me an unhealthy baby in order to teach me how to trust Him more. I fear God will give me a special needs child in order to teach me patience. I fear God will allow Greyson to be disabled in order to teach me how to be less selfish. It seems that's a slam-dunk way for God to teach me all of the lessons He is prompting me to learn.

So I'm afraid to learn them. I'm afraid that the good things God has me are "good" in the eternal sense, however I will have to learn to accept them as good in my human-ness.

It sounds very immature spiritually to say that God would only choose one way to teach me how to change. But these days (truthfully, these years) my fears lead the way to most of my opinions and thoughts. I don't like that about myself and feel very ungrateful for the incredible blessings that God has given to me.

I don't want to be nervous for the next four weeks until Greyson is born and THEN decide whether to trust God or not. I want to be faithful and strong enough to trust NOW. I want to accept God's ways NOW, before I know what they are. I want to mature in my spiritual life. I want to trust that God will do what is best for His plan and that He will teach me in the best way for me to learn...and I want to be ok with that!

So I'm praying for change. I'm praying for me to change and for that to start right now amidst my fears and uncertainties.

Growth

I went to my Akron doctor today and had a "growth check" for Greyson. He is 4 pounds and 1 oz. I'm 33 weeks along now and everything is looking right on track! Praise the Lord!!!
I saw the Physician's Assistant, whom I love! She is very patient, calming and knowledgeable. The ultrasound tech was very nice too. He is in the 33 percentile now and the doctor (who looked at the measurements but I didn't actually meet with him) was pleased with all the measurements.

My blood pressure was great and I am feeling good. So we went ahead and schedule my c-section with the hospital and my doctor. At this point we have no reason to think I won't make it to my c-section date. It's September 9th at 12:30. Jon and I need to be there two hours early. The grandma's want to go up at that time too. We are going to take Emma to her aunt and uncle's house and they will bring Emma over once the baby is here.

I'm getting very excited to make all the plans and to get things done and organized. I have made three lists: "to do", "to buy" and "to pack".
I still have 6 weeks but am getting very excited and hopeful.

I am also still having to practice trusting God for Greyson's health. Over and over I find myself falling back into fear. I repent and try to practice trusting. God is so patient with me. I am so thankful.

Concern for Miss Muffet

Emma and I were driving home today while listening to her "toddler favorites" CD.
After hearing "Little Miss Muffet" Emma asked me the following:

Emma: Momma, what's this song about?

Me: Miss Muffet was eating her breakfast and a spider came along and scared her away.

Emma: Did the spider eat her breakfast?

Me: probably not. Spiders eat bugs.

Emma: Why did he scare Miss Muffet?

Me: She must not like spiders.

Emma: Why did she have a spider in her house?

Me: She didn't. She was eating her breakfast outside.

Emma: Did Miss Muffet run into the woods?

Me: Sure

Emma (full of concern): Will she get into poison ivy???

Who knew Little Miss Muffet was such a deep and philisophical song!?

Hi-ho, hi-ho it's off to work I go

Jon started his job this week. I hear you cheering! Wait, I think that's our bank account cheering at the sound of an incoming paycheck:)

Truly, we are so very thankful for his job. He had orientation on Monday and Tuesday and found out that his training will be about 8-12 weeks long. During that training period he will be working first shift.

He has been very positive and hopeful about this job and we are so glad the Lord blessed him with it so quickly. Jon will hopefully be transitioned fairly well before the baby gets here and we enter another transition. The other positive thing is that Jon will be home nights until after the baby is born. I had a little worry that I might go into labor some night and he'd be at work. Not to worry about that now. It's just one of the countless ways the Lord is paving the path for us. He has it all worked out and I just need to practice trusting.

I read this verse this morning and loved it... and I was challenged by it too

Luke 1:45
Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!